MAKING A BABY
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, “Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.”
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning, Ma'am”, he said, “I've come to...”
“Oh, no need to explain,” Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, “I've been expecting you.”
“Have you really?” said the photographer. “Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?”
“Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat!”
After a moment she asked, blushing, “Well, where do we start?”
“Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.”
“Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!”
“Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.”
“My, that's a lot!” gasped Mrs. Smith.
“Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.”
“Don't I know it,” said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. “This was done on the top of a bus,” he said.
“Oh, my God!” Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
“And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.”
“She was difficult?” asked Mrs. Smith.
“Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look.”
“Four and five deep?” said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
“Yes,” the photographer replied. “And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.”
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. “Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?”
“It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.”
“Tripod?”
“Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.”
Mrs. Smith fainted.
Sep 9, 2009
Sep 8, 2009
Honest Scrap Award
Fellow AW member and blogging buddy Benjamin Solah nominated me for an Honest Scrap award. He awarded it to me “. . .for being an honest blogger full of lots of interesting things on her blog” and “. . . for posting honest comments on my blog.” Aw, thank you Ben!
The rules for receiving the award are simple:
pass the award on to seven worthy blogs
list ten honest things about yourself.
Okay, first, the worthy blogs.
First I would have to give one back to Benjamin Solah, not because he gave me an award, but because his blog is young and fresh and he’s not afraid to take a stand for what he believes in. He is very secure in his view of the world and has a talent for saying what’s on his mind.
Next is Jamie, for her blog the Variety Pages. She entertains, she informs, she shares. She’s both honest and generous and I’m very grateful for her presence in the blogoverse.
The next one is also for Jamie, for her Tea On Tap" blog. I used to think I knew a lot about tea, but I was wrong. Jamie has opened up a whole new world of blends and flavours for me. Thank you Jamie!
Isaac Espriu is nominated for his unfailing goal setting and his total honesty about whether or not he reached his weekly goals. He had a dream of being a full-time writer and worked hard to make that dream come true. He’s an inspiration to us all.
Procrasting Writers deserves an award because they don’t just offer advice, they’ve actually followed it themselves so they honestly know whether it works or not.
Stacia Kane deserves an award because even though she’s a working writer she’s generous with the information she shares on her blog. Last summer she wrote a series called How To Be A Sex Writing Strumpet (which can still be accessed through her archives) and this summer she did a series on Critiques.
Lost Wanderer’s Writing Blog gets one as well. I haven’t been a follower for long, but I’ve found the Lost Wanderer to be generous in the sharing of writing tips, and she poses questions that require serious thought. She’s also an inspiration in goal setting.
Now, for the Ten Honest things:
1. I don’t hate housework as much as people think. I still think it’s a necessary evil, but I dislike a cluttered house more.
2. The more time I have on my hands, the less I get done. I work much better under pressure even though I don’t handle pressure well.
3. I’ve always wished I could play a musical instrument or had a talent for singing, and I envy people who can.
4. I’d rather dream than do.
5. I have a book buying addiction. I buy books at a far faster rate than I can read them and I rarely part with one.
6. I am the world’s biggest procrastinator. Never put off ‘til tomorrow what you can put off ‘til the day after.
7. I have had an iPod for a year and a half and still don’t know how to use it. (see #7)
8. Whenever I find a whisker that one of my cats has shed, I save it. I have no idea why. (Yes, I know how weird this sounds, but at least it’s honest!)
9. I would rather sell a novel than win the lottery (and I play the lottery religiously).
10. If I ever won the lottery, the first thing I would do would be plan a road trip to meet as many of the friends I’ve made on AW as I can, face to face.
Sep 7, 2009
Happy Labour Day
Last week started out good, but it kinda got away from me towards the end. I was on top of things right up until Friday, which is when everything fell apart. I thought I had all the squares embroidered for the baby quilt, but once I started putting it together I realized the center piece was missing. This one needed two pictures - one at the top and one at the bottom - with a blank space in between to put the baby’s name and date of birth after the blessed event.
Went online long enough to check my e-mails and do the post about the delay of the serial, then back to slaving away over that quilt. It was well after midnight when I finished the embroidery. Sewed all the layers together and then realized I’d sewn the stuffing to the outside instead of the inside. So I had to rip it all out and re-sew it. The sun was coming up before I was done.
So Saturday I snatched a few hours of sleep before getting the house ready for the son-in-law’s birthday party, which went very well, and then napped during the Star Trek movie marathon. I managed to stay awake for my favorite line from Wrath of Khan: "From Hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spite my last breath at thee!" and the rest is just a blur. :-)
RECAP
Last week's goals were chapter four of the space opera, the Sonnet poetry form, and baby quilt.
Thursday I not only managed the post about Sonnets, I wrote one too. I originally wrote my sonnet in the Shakespearean style, but I found it read better in the Italian, or Petrarchan, style. I think it made it easier for posting when I decided what form to work on earlier in the week, even though I didn’t work on the actual sonnet until late Wednesday/early Thursday.
Got the baby quilt done and it turned out pretty good if I do say so myself. :-)
Sunday I just couldn’t seem to get motivated, but I did finally write get chapter four of my serial posted.
Goals For This Week:
Chapter Five of the Space Opera, in which questions are asked and a few are even answered. :-)
This week’s poetry form is Counting Up and Down.
Start seriously thinking about NaNo. Last year I almost didn’t do it, even though I was unemployed and had nothing to do all day. I was in a creative black hole right up to November 1 when all of a sudden this full fledged novel popped into my head. Not only did I finish NaNo, I had over 6,000 words to spare.
This year I’ve got a lot more on my plate so there’s this nagging voice that tells me I would be wise to give it a pass. However, if I can get four extra chapters written, and four extra poetry form posts written, I will probably give it a go. Unless I’m taking Business Law in November, and then all bets are off. I hear it’s a really brutal course.
So added to my weekly goals is to move ahead in my serial and poetry forms, just in case I’m crazy enough to NaNo this year.
Oh, yeah. Guess I'd better get that letter started to my sister, too. :-)
Well, that takes care of my week. How about yours?
Went online long enough to check my e-mails and do the post about the delay of the serial, then back to slaving away over that quilt. It was well after midnight when I finished the embroidery. Sewed all the layers together and then realized I’d sewn the stuffing to the outside instead of the inside. So I had to rip it all out and re-sew it. The sun was coming up before I was done.
So Saturday I snatched a few hours of sleep before getting the house ready for the son-in-law’s birthday party, which went very well, and then napped during the Star Trek movie marathon. I managed to stay awake for my favorite line from Wrath of Khan: "From Hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spite my last breath at thee!" and the rest is just a blur. :-)
RECAP
Last week's goals were chapter four of the space opera, the Sonnet poetry form, and baby quilt.
Thursday I not only managed the post about Sonnets, I wrote one too. I originally wrote my sonnet in the Shakespearean style, but I found it read better in the Italian, or Petrarchan, style. I think it made it easier for posting when I decided what form to work on earlier in the week, even though I didn’t work on the actual sonnet until late Wednesday/early Thursday.
Got the baby quilt done and it turned out pretty good if I do say so myself. :-)
Sunday I just couldn’t seem to get motivated, but I did finally write get chapter four of my serial posted.
Goals For This Week:
Chapter Five of the Space Opera, in which questions are asked and a few are even answered. :-)
This week’s poetry form is Counting Up and Down.
Start seriously thinking about NaNo. Last year I almost didn’t do it, even though I was unemployed and had nothing to do all day. I was in a creative black hole right up to November 1 when all of a sudden this full fledged novel popped into my head. Not only did I finish NaNo, I had over 6,000 words to spare.
This year I’ve got a lot more on my plate so there’s this nagging voice that tells me I would be wise to give it a pass. However, if I can get four extra chapters written, and four extra poetry form posts written, I will probably give it a go. Unless I’m taking Business Law in November, and then all bets are off. I hear it’s a really brutal course.
So added to my weekly goals is to move ahead in my serial and poetry forms, just in case I’m crazy enough to NaNo this year.
Oh, yeah. Guess I'd better get that letter started to my sister, too. :-)
Well, that takes care of my week. How about yours?
Sep 4, 2009
Post Delay
I apologize if you've come here looking for Chapter Four of my serial, but it probably won't be up until tomorrow or maybe even Sunday. I have got to get that baby quilt done for tomorrow (the squares are embroidered, I just have to sew it together) and then tomorrow we're having the son-in-law's birthday party here.
Is it just me, or does that make me sound really old, to have a son-in-law?
Anyway, just so you don't go away empty handed, I found a couple of videos from YouTube to share. If you didn't read my poem from yesterday, take a minute to do so before you watch the videos and you'll know why I picked these ones. :-)
Is it just me, or does that make me sound really old, to have a son-in-law?
Anyway, just so you don't go away empty handed, I found a couple of videos from YouTube to share. If you didn't read my poem from yesterday, take a minute to do so before you watch the videos and you'll know why I picked these ones. :-)
Sep 3, 2009
Sonnet
Initially, the Sonnet appeared in the early thirteenth century at the Sicilian court of Frederick II (King of Sicily (1197-1250) and Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire (1197-1250)).
With its repetition of words rather than rhymes (in its original Sicilian form), it is thought to have descended from troubadour forms like the Sestina. Some have speculated that it may also have been influenced by the great form of Arabic culture, the Ghazal.
Since its introduction into English in the 16th century, the 14-line sonnet form has remained relatively stable, it’s long enough that its images and symbols can carry detail, but short enough that it requires some poetic thought.
For more extended poetic treatment of a single theme, some poets have written sonnet cycles, a series of sonnets on related concerns, often addressed to a single person and sonnet crowns, a sonnet series linked by repeating the last line of one sonnet in the first line of the next, until the circle is closed by using the first line of the first sonnet as the last line of the last sonnet.
There are many different forms for the sonnet, starting with the Italian or Petrarchan sonnet which has a rhyme scheme of abbaabba/cdecde. This is a relatively hard form of sonnet to write in English; it's far easier to find large numbers of words that rhyme when you're working in Italian.
The Shakespearean sonnet rhymes ababcdcd/efefgg, a rhyming scheme so much better suited to our language that the Bard was able to write 154 of them..
The Spenserian sonnet (after Edmund Spenser, who wrote the poetic epic Faerie Queene) is often claimed to be a compromise between Italian and English sonnet forms; it rhymes ababbcbc/cdcdee. This rhyming scheme is every bit as demanding as that of an Italian sonnet. Hardly anyone other than Spenser himself has ever used this form.
John Milton then returned to the original Italian form, with so much success that they renamed it after him - the Miltonian sonnet is almost exactly the same as the Petrarchan. The only change Milton made was to allow the break that normally comes after 8 lines to come a little earlier or later.
There are numerous further variations - for example, Wordsworth used abbaacca/dedede, the Sicilian sonnet uses abababab/cdcdcd, John Clare the straightforward aabbccddeeffgg.
For more information about the different forms of sonnets and how to create them, go HERE.
My example started out being a Shakespearean sonnet but I wasn’t happy with the way it turned out so I started looking for examples to compare it to. I could only find examples written by Shakespeare. Mine looked even cheesier when compared to The Bard, so I changed it. :-)
The example I ended up with is an Italian, or Petrarchan, sonnet. It's a more difficult form to follow than the Shakespearean, but since I was more or less just re-writing my original sonnet I didn't find it too bad.
THE FAIRY GLEN
The whisper of the trees tonight
spread secret tales upon the breeze.
Follow me and take your ease.
The glen is filled with glowing light
there’s magic in this rarest night
beyond your ken. Beneath the trees
they gather round in twos and threes.
The fairy glen is pure delight.
The pixies and the goblins dance
and beckon all to join their ring.
They have until the rising sun
for merriment and coy romance
and then make haste and take to wing,
and so an end to fairy fun.
With its repetition of words rather than rhymes (in its original Sicilian form), it is thought to have descended from troubadour forms like the Sestina. Some have speculated that it may also have been influenced by the great form of Arabic culture, the Ghazal.
Since its introduction into English in the 16th century, the 14-line sonnet form has remained relatively stable, it’s long enough that its images and symbols can carry detail, but short enough that it requires some poetic thought.
For more extended poetic treatment of a single theme, some poets have written sonnet cycles, a series of sonnets on related concerns, often addressed to a single person and sonnet crowns, a sonnet series linked by repeating the last line of one sonnet in the first line of the next, until the circle is closed by using the first line of the first sonnet as the last line of the last sonnet.
There are many different forms for the sonnet, starting with the Italian or Petrarchan sonnet which has a rhyme scheme of abbaabba/cdecde. This is a relatively hard form of sonnet to write in English; it's far easier to find large numbers of words that rhyme when you're working in Italian.
The Shakespearean sonnet rhymes ababcdcd/efefgg, a rhyming scheme so much better suited to our language that the Bard was able to write 154 of them..
The Spenserian sonnet (after Edmund Spenser, who wrote the poetic epic Faerie Queene) is often claimed to be a compromise between Italian and English sonnet forms; it rhymes ababbcbc/cdcdee. This rhyming scheme is every bit as demanding as that of an Italian sonnet. Hardly anyone other than Spenser himself has ever used this form.
John Milton then returned to the original Italian form, with so much success that they renamed it after him - the Miltonian sonnet is almost exactly the same as the Petrarchan. The only change Milton made was to allow the break that normally comes after 8 lines to come a little earlier or later.
There are numerous further variations - for example, Wordsworth used abbaacca/dedede, the Sicilian sonnet uses abababab/cdcdcd, John Clare the straightforward aabbccddeeffgg.
For more information about the different forms of sonnets and how to create them, go HERE.
My example started out being a Shakespearean sonnet but I wasn’t happy with the way it turned out so I started looking for examples to compare it to. I could only find examples written by Shakespeare. Mine looked even cheesier when compared to The Bard, so I changed it. :-)
The example I ended up with is an Italian, or Petrarchan, sonnet. It's a more difficult form to follow than the Shakespearean, but since I was more or less just re-writing my original sonnet I didn't find it too bad.
THE FAIRY GLEN
The whisper of the trees tonight
spread secret tales upon the breeze.
Follow me and take your ease.
The glen is filled with glowing light
there’s magic in this rarest night
beyond your ken. Beneath the trees
they gather round in twos and threes.
The fairy glen is pure delight.
The pixies and the goblins dance
and beckon all to join their ring.
They have until the rising sun
for merriment and coy romance
and then make haste and take to wing,
and so an end to fairy fun.
Sep 2, 2009
Whimsical Wednesday
Just click on the cartoon to see a larger image
Louis L’Amour, successful author of more than one hundred western novels with more than two hundred million copies in print, received 350 rejections before he made his first sale. He later became the first American novelist to receive a special congressional gold medal in recognition of this distinguished career as an author and contributor to the nation through his historically based books.
Dr. Seuss’s first children’s book, And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street, was rejected by twenty-seven publishers. The twenty-eighth publisher, Vanguard Press, sold six million copies of the book. All of Seuss’s children’s books went on to sell a total of more than one hundred million copies.
Margaret Mitchell’s classic Gone With the Wind was turned down by more than twenty-five publishers.
Mary Higgins Clark was rejected forty times before selling her first story. More than thirty million copies of her books are now in print.
Chicken Soup for the Soul was turned down by Thirty-three publishers in New York and another ninety at the American Booksellers Association convention in Anaheim, California, before Health Communications, Inc., finally agreed to publish it. All the major New York publishers said, “It is too nicey-nice” and “Nobody wants to read a book of short little stories.” Since that time, more than eight million copies of the original book have been sold. The series, which has grown to thirty-two titles, in thirty-one languages, has sold more than fifty-three million copies.
Jack London received six hundred rejection slips before he sold his first story.
Eight years after his novel Steps won the National Book Award, Jerzy Kosinski permitted a writer to change his name and the title and send a manuscript of the novel to thirteen agents and fourteen publishers to test the plight of new writers. They all rejected it, including Random House, which had published it.
Novelist Carson McCullers endured three strokes before she was twenty-nine. While she was crippled, partially paralyzed, and in constant pain, she suffered the profound shock of her husband’s suicide. Others may have surrendered to such afflictions, but she settled for writing no less than a page a day. On that unrelenting schedule, she turned out many distinguished novels, including Member of the Wedding, The Ballad of the Sad Café and The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter.
Louis L’Amour, successful author of more than one hundred western novels with more than two hundred million copies in print, received 350 rejections before he made his first sale. He later became the first American novelist to receive a special congressional gold medal in recognition of this distinguished career as an author and contributor to the nation through his historically based books.
Dr. Seuss’s first children’s book, And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street, was rejected by twenty-seven publishers. The twenty-eighth publisher, Vanguard Press, sold six million copies of the book. All of Seuss’s children’s books went on to sell a total of more than one hundred million copies.
Margaret Mitchell’s classic Gone With the Wind was turned down by more than twenty-five publishers.
Mary Higgins Clark was rejected forty times before selling her first story. More than thirty million copies of her books are now in print.
Chicken Soup for the Soul was turned down by Thirty-three publishers in New York and another ninety at the American Booksellers Association convention in Anaheim, California, before Health Communications, Inc., finally agreed to publish it. All the major New York publishers said, “It is too nicey-nice” and “Nobody wants to read a book of short little stories.” Since that time, more than eight million copies of the original book have been sold. The series, which has grown to thirty-two titles, in thirty-one languages, has sold more than fifty-three million copies.
Jack London received six hundred rejection slips before he sold his first story.
Eight years after his novel Steps won the National Book Award, Jerzy Kosinski permitted a writer to change his name and the title and send a manuscript of the novel to thirteen agents and fourteen publishers to test the plight of new writers. They all rejected it, including Random House, which had published it.
Novelist Carson McCullers endured three strokes before she was twenty-nine. While she was crippled, partially paralyzed, and in constant pain, she suffered the profound shock of her husband’s suicide. Others may have surrendered to such afflictions, but she settled for writing no less than a page a day. On that unrelenting schedule, she turned out many distinguished novels, including Member of the Wedding, The Ballad of the Sad Café and The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter.
Sep 1, 2009
Random Tuesday
Maybe this should be my meandering day, I've been surfing around, catching up on my blog reading and coming up empty when it comes to posting something for today. I even went so far as to do a post over on my Random Writings blog, created links for the chapters for my serial, AND put up links for my poetry forms.
And still nothing.
I blame switching to afternoons at school (gotta blame something, right?) It's really thrown me off my regularly scheduled laziness. Whatever motivation I might have in the morning is tempered by the fact that I have to keep my eye on the clock so I have enough time to have lunch and get to school. And then Word is so boring that I can barely keep my eyes open. The first assignment we have (that gets handed in for marking) is to open up a pre-typed document and run the spell check. Seriously!
Then, when I get home, I'm wondering where my day has gone because I'm used to getting home from school in time for lunch, not in time for supper. Which I then have to make. Definitely not liking this new schedule!
* * * * * * * * * *
Anybody out there have a crock pot? Here’s a recipe for the best triple chocolate desert ever:
1 package chocolate cake mix
1 package instant chocolate pudding
1 cup chocolate chips
4 eggs
3/4 cup oil
1 cup water
Spray the inside of the crock pot with non-stick spray. Mix all ingredients and pour into crock pot. Cook on low for 6 - 8 hours, or until done. Serve in bowl with ice cream.
* * * * * * * * * *
"You need to buckle down." Ever heard that before? I wonder if those people telling you to buckle down are aware of what it really means.
Buckle down is when people (mostly males) have gained enough weight that their guts cause their belt buckles to point downward towards the ground instead of out as it normally would on a slim person. The role of a person's belt changes when one reaches a gut of this size. Instead of the belt preventing one's pants from falling down, it starts to hold your gut up. When one begins to Buckle Down, they have exceeded dicky doo.
And just because I know you’re curious:
Dicky doo is a term used to describe when a man's stomach sticks so far out he can no longer see his, uh, dick.
So in essence, when someone tells you that you need to buckle down, they're telling you that you need to gain weight. So take it as a compliment. :-)
And still nothing.
I blame switching to afternoons at school (gotta blame something, right?) It's really thrown me off my regularly scheduled laziness. Whatever motivation I might have in the morning is tempered by the fact that I have to keep my eye on the clock so I have enough time to have lunch and get to school. And then Word is so boring that I can barely keep my eyes open. The first assignment we have (that gets handed in for marking) is to open up a pre-typed document and run the spell check. Seriously!
Then, when I get home, I'm wondering where my day has gone because I'm used to getting home from school in time for lunch, not in time for supper. Which I then have to make. Definitely not liking this new schedule!
* * * * * * * * * *
Anybody out there have a crock pot? Here’s a recipe for the best triple chocolate desert ever:
1 package chocolate cake mix
1 package instant chocolate pudding
1 cup chocolate chips
4 eggs
3/4 cup oil
1 cup water
Spray the inside of the crock pot with non-stick spray. Mix all ingredients and pour into crock pot. Cook on low for 6 - 8 hours, or until done. Serve in bowl with ice cream.
* * * * * * * * * *
"You need to buckle down." Ever heard that before? I wonder if those people telling you to buckle down are aware of what it really means.
Buckle down is when people (mostly males) have gained enough weight that their guts cause their belt buckles to point downward towards the ground instead of out as it normally would on a slim person. The role of a person's belt changes when one reaches a gut of this size. Instead of the belt preventing one's pants from falling down, it starts to hold your gut up. When one begins to Buckle Down, they have exceeded dicky doo.
And just because I know you’re curious:
Dicky doo is a term used to describe when a man's stomach sticks so far out he can no longer see his, uh, dick.
So in essence, when someone tells you that you need to buckle down, they're telling you that you need to gain weight. So take it as a compliment. :-)
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