Some movies are so bad they’re good, and some movies are just ... bad. My husband and I enjoy watching them both and I thought it would be fun to share the best of the worst. So without further ado, here’s my bad movie review of the week. I leave it up to you to decide whether the movie is bad, or just the review. ;-)
This “gem” was made in 1972 with a budget of $150,000.00. The opening credits are shown over top some underwater footage with a really cheesy 70s soundtrack. Eventually we see a diver being attacked by two others and he’s hoisted up to a boat by his feet. Here we’re introduced to creepy hunter guy and hot scientist chick.
He’s taken to a remote island that has a bunch of armed guards (I think they’re Mexican) wandering around. The man is driven to a Spanish looking mansion in the middle of the jungle and we learn his name is Max Farrell. He meets Dr. Gordon who tells him he was chosen for his physical and mental abilities to participate in some kind of mad scientist plan to create a super race.
Farrell’s given a room to stay in and while he’s out on his balcony enjoying the view, he meets the fellow prisoner from the next room who advises him to make the best of it. Then we cut to creepy hunter guy who’s heading up a group chasing after one of the doctor’s “patients” who looks like a cross between a man and a boar. Creepy hunter guy shoots him between the eyes and the doctor is not happy with him.
After picking the lock on his door, Farrell wanders through the house instead of heading for the front door. He rifles through the doctor’s files and discovers he’s a Nobel Laureate. After hiding under the desk when he hears someone coming, he makes his way to the basement to the accompaniment of what we assume to be suspenseful music. There’s lots of scientific equipment - test tubes, incubators, a head in a jar...
Cut to a different lab that’s full of hybrid creatures.
Suddenly it’s the next day and he’s wandering around outside. Creepy hunter guy tries to get him to try and escape so he can hunt him.
Umm, now we cut to a yet another lab where the doctor is working, and hot scientist chick (his daughter, whose name is Neva) asks about him working late. They talk about using Farrell for the “Class Gs”. She doesn’t seem as enthusiastic as dear old dad.
Suddenly it’s evening again she visits Farrell in his room to examine his eyes. (Seems like a pretext to me). He gets a little touchy feely with her - kisses her and she leaves - he follows and sees her enter a secret passage that leads to where they’re keeping the creatures her father has created. He saves her when she’s about to be attacked and asks if this is what’s going to happen to him.
Jump to her and her father talking in his lab/office. She wants him to let Farrell go. He gives an impassioned speech about his super beings. Meanwhile, Farrell is wandering around again and looks to have found some kind of medical section where they’re going to do something to the guy he met on the next balcony - guy is immersed in bubbling water and they screw a plastic sheet over the top of his (bald) head. Farrell can’t see what they’re doing, but they remove the top of his friend’s head and Neva is sprayed with blood and runs away. Farrell follows her to her room where she’s about to swallow a bunch of pills - he stops her, they end up on the floor, he promises to help her and they start kissing. They’re caught by doctor and hunter guy. Doctor gives daughter an angry look, she kind of smirks in return.
Farrell’s taken to the cave with the creatures and locked in a cell. Hunter guy leaves him there and goes to look at his gun collection that he has on a lit wall. He pours himself a glass of milk (milk? really?) and Neva comes out of hiding with a rifle. They struggle and of course he overpowers her. There’s a lot of name calling but then he slumps to the bed - she drugged his milk.
Neva releases Farrell and tells him she knows a secret way out of the caves, but she insists on taking the rest of the creatures too - and a more motley bunch of creatures you’ve never seen. Such bad costume/make up! Farrell convinces her to take the creatures and go on without him, they’ll meet up later. He sneaks into doc’s room and takes him prisoner. I don’t know if it’s really night there or if the movie’s just really, really dark - it’s kind of hard to see any details.
This is where the movie gets really choppy and hard to follow:
- hunter guy wakes up
- creatures are moving through the jungle
- doc and Farrell reach the river they’re going to follow to the coast
- hunter guy sees the creatures on the ridge, sends a trio of men after them
- doc and Farrell are now headed off into the jungle
- (hubby thinks it’s called Twilight People because they can’t seem to make up their mind about the lighting)
- Neva is having problems with all the animals. Two of them (goat boy and dog girl) go off in the jungle and share some food. Panther girl is rolling around on the ground purring. Monkey boy is shaking a tree - bat boy is hanging upside down from a branch of said tree
- trio of native guards are taking a break
- panther girl attacks the trio
- Neva and others rest. Batboy is climbing a tree - monkey boy seems to really like Neva, I mean really likes her. He attacks her and goat boy and dog girl chase him off. Bat boy tries to fly - oops, I don’t think those wings were attached properly - looked like they were duct taped on
- hunter catches up to the trio (who’re now just a duo)
- Farrell and doc watch from the next ridge over
- Okay, now it looks like the two who lost their companion are off on their own again
- Farrel realizes they’re being watched and ties the doctor to a tree so he can go see what's going on. It’s really too dark - a voice tells him not to move or they’ll see him
- Neva sends goat boy after panther girl - dog girl isn’t happy
- hubby makes the comment that this is sort of like the Monty Python Sketch called Elephantoplasty, where they start sewing random things onto people
- bunch of fighting - too dark to see, think panther girl got another guard
- someone’s shooting at Farrell
- someone’s crawling on the ground and manages to send off a flare
- hunter guy tells his men to fan out
- goat boy was shot - oops! Panther girl is attacking him - dog girl comes to his rescue - no match for panther girl - goat boy uses his rifle butt to kill panther girl
- hunter and his men are climbing up the small mountain, Farrell is trailing them
- Neva decides the creatures should split up
- hunter has his men spread out again - looks around suspiciously
- Farrell’s hiding close by
- batboy is up in a tree as the hunters pass by
- monkey boy gets shot and the guards take Neva back to hunter
- goat boy starts shooting from his hiding place. Everyone kind of scatters but Neva is still a prisoner
- monkey boy isn’t quite dead
- dog girl takes out one of the guards
- all’s quiet
- okay, despite the flimsy wings (that you can totally see the wires attached to) bat boy’s flying away (pretty good considering he fell out of the tree on his first attempt)
- goat boy and dog girl get killed
- hunter’s been wounded - I think the rest of the guards are all dead because he’s hotfooting it outta there
- Farrell follows the trail of blood to where hunter’s lying in wait. He reaches the river - they stare at each other
- doctor has reached his house (no idea how he got loose)
- batboy comes flying in
- doctor gathers all his research and escapes into the creature cave
- batboy merrily goes about killing the rest of the guards
- doctor is confronted by a tree creature who turns out to be his former wife
- okay, stupid, it’s not a good idea to bad mouth the woman you turned into a tree when she’s holding a knife
- suddenly, Neva and Farrell are there at the house where she cradles her dead father in her arms
- how did he get out of the tunnel? what happened to hunter? and the mother?
- ends with a really, really bad image of batboy flying off towards the mountains
Words alone cannot express how insanely bad this movie was.
I swear, I honestly don’t pick these movies because there’s a YouTube video available for them! It’s just a happy co-incidence. But I gotta tell you, the YouTube video is much better quality than the video we watched. ;-)