Trivial Tuesday

So . . . I was sitting here last night watching Bones with my husband (thank you time shifting!) and I asked him what I should blog about today. His answers: Blog about something trivial, like . . . did you ever notice how cats have four legs? Or have you ever noticed how when cats get hungry you have to feed them? This is after he'd just spent the last few minutes making noises at Julius, "his" cat, who was trying to nap on the couch. Julius gave him the fish eye and then pretty much ignored him. Julius has "ignoring the human" down to a fine art.

Anyway, I decided instead to go with something humorous. I actually recycled these from a post about four years ago. I'm not sure where I found the poem (it's not one of mine, although I wish it was) but it seems kind of appropriate for this time of year.


Twas the Month after Christmas

'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste,
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared,
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt,
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt.

I said to myself, as I only can,
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"

So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,
'Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie--not even a lick,
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore,
But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot,
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

And even though I've said I don't believe in New Year's resolutions (mainly because I always broke them), four years ago I made some that I thought I'd have a prayer of keeping:

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
3. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
4. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
5. Take a vacation to someplace important: like, to see the largest ball of twine.
6. Get in a whole NEW rut!
7. Start being superstitious.
8. Personal goal: bring back disco.
9. Sleep more.
10. Include chocolate with every meal.