Aug 31, 2016

The Best of the Worst

Some movies are so bad they’re good, and some movies are just ... bad. My husband and I enjoy watching them both and I thought it would be fun to share the best of the worst. So without further ado, here’s my bad movie review of the week. I leave it up to you to decide whether the movie is bad, or just the review. ;-)

Welcome to the final installment of shark month. I’m thrilled you could be here and you’re in for a treat! I’ve saved the best of the worst shark movies I’ve ever seen for today. The third runner up for stupidest cheesiest worst shark movie is Avalanche Sharks.

Despite this movie being set in a ski resort, there are bikinis galore - it’s like a skier’s spring break in the mountains. Anyway, an avalanche releases these Native American snow shark spirits that are pretty much ready to eat everything in sight.

The management of the ski resort tries to cover up what’s happening - snow sharks eating the customers is bad for business and they have a bikini contest to sponsor. In the snow. But as much as they try and deny there’s anything fishy going on, they can’t keep up the pretense for long, there’s just too many people disappearing.

The avalanche also took care of the only way in or out of the area, so tourists and residents alike are trapped. You gotta love those shark fins zipping through the snow in pursuit of dinner. Sometimes a victim is just pulled down into the snow, which is then stained with blood, and sometimes a shark head pops up to chomp them. In one scene a group of bikini babes get eaten while they’re lounging in a hot tub.

The whole Native American curse thing is kind of an interesting twist, and this is what ultimately saves the survivors. While a heavily armed group keeps the shiver (the name for a group of sharks) of sharks occupied, this Asian woman hikes up the mountain and straightens up these sacred totem poles that were knocked askew by the avalanche. Not sure how she knew that would stop the sharks, but that was the least of the unbelievable things about this movie.

The second runner up for best (worst) of the worst shark movies is Sharktopus.

Is it a shark? Is it an octopus? No, it’s both! And not only that, it was secretly created for the U.S. military. Unfortunately, during a demonstration of its abilities, the sharktopus (aka S-11) goes AWOL and embarks on a journey of mass destruction along the Mexican coast.

The advantage this shark has over the others is the tentacles, that allow it to walk short distances on land. As it eats its way through the tourist population, the daughter of the head scientist (who was instrumental in helping create it), is frantically trying to save it. There’s also a really annoying reporter who’s determined to get the story that will make her famous.

Though it’s called a sharktopus, the tentacles are more like that of a squid, which it’s able to use to stab its victims. It eventually kills its creator, and his daughter realizes her little pet has to go. The movie itself may have been pretty bad, but at least it was good for a laugh.

This brings us to the best of the worst shark movies, my all time favourite, Ghost Shark.

Apparently mutant sharks appearing as a result of natural disasters - icebergs melting, tornados - is no longer the thing. Mystical events are. This one is actually pretty cool, but I’ll get to that in a minute.

The movie starts out with a group of hicks on a fishing boat who fatally wound a shark, and its body ends up in this sacred cave that magically allows its spirit to come back for revenge. This shark’s special ability (well, aside from being a ghost) is that it can appear in any kind of water - ocean, swimming pool, sprinkler, puddle, glass of water ...

The first ones to notice the ghost shark are a bunch of teens, but of course no one believes their story, even after the shark crashes a pool party. This movie is also a little different than its predecessors in that it centers around a group of teens who are trying to figure out where the shark comes from and how to stop it.

They enlist the aid of a drunken lighthouse keeper named Finch (Richard Moll, what were you thinking?) who seems to know more about this than he’s letting on. The appearance of the ghost shark has as much to do with the circumstances under which Finch’s wife died as it does with the sacred cave, and if you want to know how, you’ll have to watch the movie. :-D

I hope you’ve enjoyed shark month as much as I have. Next week we’ll be back to just your regular bad Sci Fi and Monster movies. Until then, enjoy that swim!

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